This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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