One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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