Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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