remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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