it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
