hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
