cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
