Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
