I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
