Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
