Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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