My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
