Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
