after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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