Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
