You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
