i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
