The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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