I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What drink are we having for lunch?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
