Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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