I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
