Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
