turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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