is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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