i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
