So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
