How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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