Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
