It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
