It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
