You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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