New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize