Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
