tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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