I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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