Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize