The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
