i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
