Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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