so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize