Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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