Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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