then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
