Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
