hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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