My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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