Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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