i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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