God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
