I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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