Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Please, let me fuck your mom
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
