in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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