I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.