I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.