i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
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Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.