Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.