U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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