And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
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gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
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And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.