my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
