If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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