If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
