It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
