so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
