so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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