i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
