I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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