Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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