a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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