I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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