After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
