okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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