so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
