Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
