I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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