I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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