I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
