John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
