i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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