i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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