My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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